Die another day

Why do we fall Master Bruce? So we could climb back again.

Alfred Penyyworth, Batman Begin

Well, this week I tried, and failed gracefully, at entry test of some oiling company. What’s new about it? Well besides the fact that I used to failure, especially in managerial level entry, this failure kinda “hard” cuz I really puts my mind and heart into it. It’s not like I don’t give my mind and heart to the other failure attempts before, but because this time I realize that this is maybe my last chance to apply for entry level (even for managerial entry level such as Management trainee or Officer Development Program, etc) cuz I’m already 26 years old, an age that most company consider as limit for entry level. Beyond 26, we were considered to be an experienced employee or experienced worker, something that I somehow feel lack of. Sure I have 2 years experience as recruitment staff at my office, but due to the amount of administrational work makes me think that my experienced didn’t developed as experienced (I still feel like a novice in this sector).

Besides that, I also take a chance skipping work and went to Bandung to legalized my document, an obligation that must be fulfilled to enter the test, even I borrow some money from family to went there. But then again, in life we have to deal with the difference between reality and ideality, thus I failed the test. Well not a big news anyway, at least for me.

I heard that there’s no such thing as coincidence or luck, everything is connected. The result or the outcome is an accumulation of what we’ve done in the past. So I tried to review what makes me failed entry managerial level so many times. Is it cuz I didn’t study hard enough? Maybe. Or I didn’t pray hard enough? Maybe. Or maybe I did something wrong like masturbation before test or others kinky and nasty stuff? Well, probably. But that is not the case. I know many other people who also tried are failed, even if they tried, prayed and cried harder than me.

At the test I introduced myself to a guy named Reza Setiawan (even if told you if this real name or not, or even if I made this up you won’t know anyway). He came all the way from Bandung and also took a chance for this position. I know he sacrificed a lot of things for this, he is what I called “if there’s any justice in this world” case. I gladly gave my spot, if I was accepted, for this guy. Unfortunately he also failed. He was CRUSHED, and I wondering what parents or people used to say, “give all your best and you will success” or other motivational crap that not all is true. Not everything in this world works that way. At least he is younger than me and still has other chances, unlike me.

But I think I shouldn’t mourn over this for a long time. The world will revolves just like it always will, time won’t stand still, so I have to move along. I won’t blame anyone for my failure. I blamed myself cuz I’m not smarter than those who passed the test, or cuz I still don’t have the capacity to a managerial level (I still have a lot to learn). Even if the door of opportunity is closed at this time, I believe other doors still open for me, maybe at private sector or as an entrepreneur.

I somehow remember Darrel Royal’s letter. Who the f*ck is him? He is a football coach at Texas University (yep, I read Eyeshield 21 manga a lot). He said there’s a difference between top player, mediocre and looser. In this game (American football), everyone must have taste humiliation and defeat, the top player will rise immediately, while mediocre took some times before they get up and the looser? They will keep lying down on the ground cuz they afraid to be failed and humiliated.

There’s lots of things you can learn from manga or comic you know. Don’t brand them as kitsch or second-class citizen of literature

Well, since I used to failure, I don’t need to be afraid of it. Just take a lesson from everything in life, in this case I still has 9 more legalized document copy for other vacancy while I’m still 26 years old. Even if passed 26 I still have private sector or entrepreneur to try. Hey every once in a while everyone in this game of called life will suffer defeat and humiliation, no pain no gain, I’d die another day to fight another war, it’s not like is the end of the world or something anyway. Psyche!!!!


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