Still Alive but barely breathing…just prays to the God that I don’t believe in…
I know I’m not an acute insomniac sufferer, but somehow Insomnia, combine with fatigue, jaded, flu and twisted mind will produce something U never expected. And that unexpected is like what I’m going to write at this special occasion he he. Also, it’s not I hate emo or something (my favorite band is Jimmy Eat World BTW), I just do the irony of why most people hates emo so much to my own sick sense of humor.
U see, I’m not a very religious guy, that’s for sure, so to write something about God is really a rare occasion (though this supposed to be a joke post or something he he). But then again, like I mentioned before, this is some sick-twisted version of “revelation” and don’t ask me why I pictured God as Darth Vader (it’s just some sick-twisted thing in my sub-conscious probably). U doesn’t know who is Darth Vader? R U lives in the bunker for the past century or what? Or maybe U R retarded! Just check this link (SIGH!).
So, it began one night that somehow I decided to “talk” to God. Yep, it’s been a while I know, since we in talking term (maybe since I lost faith when the arcade black out when I played King of Fighter 98 or maybe when I discovered that I will never be Batman or pilot cuz I’m wearing glasses I don’t know). Of course there’s awkward moment, since I haven’t talk to him in a loooooong time. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, maybe cuz there’s something that I can’t quite figure out on my own (actually, there’s like billion things such as girl, faith, luck, why Nintendo lead the console war and other’s thing in this God-forsaken world). Or maybe I just need someone to talk to and since I don’t have the budget to call someone else or to annoyed them in such ungodly hour, I talk to God (it’s suppose to be free right?).
So, I ask God, “How U’ve been? Been a while eh? How’s the view from the top? Is it lonely to be the only one that’s holy? (hint of sarcasm he he)” and other great or maybe just plain stupid questions launched like onslaught to His Imperial Majesty. After quite sometime doing the one way monologue, suddenly there’s a voice that said, “So, U’ve finally decided to talk to me eh? What’s up?” Of course I was shocked and instinctively looking for source of the voice, then out of nowhere there he standing behind me in the form of Darth Vader (don’t ask why, it just something that happens, like $hit).
OK, so I did ask, “Why Darth Vader dude?” He replied, “I don’t know. Maybe U’r sub-conscious wants to be this way, or maybe I’m just figment of U’r imagination”. “Hey don’t ruin the moment! This is good stuff! I just wonder why Darth Vader cuz I prefer Darth Maul. That’s all”, then He replied, “U prefer me to be looks like some devil with horn, tattoo and the way I appear kinda like some maniac that wants to rape U?”, OK, this guy has a point (of course, he is supposed to be God). “Back to topic, ‘sup dude?”
Then I ask him why all, OK most of, my prayers went unanswered. Why the world is so unfair, why Milan didn’t win Scudetto last season, why the girl that makes me go gaga is out of reach and have different faith, etc, bla-bla-ya-ya-wa-wa till somehow I realize how whiny emo I am. Might as well write lyrics about how some girl hurt me then I wanna die just to forget her or how I manage to pull myself together just to confess that I love her only to become speechless in front of her (EMO to the max yeah!!!!). He even insults me with playing the violin to give more dramatic effect to accompanying all of my whines.
After I threw all my angst and sorrow, also after all the burden of the world that was once bestowed on my shoulder and now it’s been lifted into thin air has gone (EMO to the max yeah!!!!), He replied, “U know what’s wrong with U’r prayer? U asked the impossible or the outrageous one dude” He said. “But U R God! Ain’t U supposed to be the most omnipotent and powerful dude on the universe? It’s supposed 2 be easy right?” I said.
“Dude, I wish it could be that way, but it can’t ‘kay? Let’s just say that I grant every wish that came to me in a ZAP. What will happen?” He asked me. “We’d all be happy. We got everything we want. That’s good right? What is supposed to be wrong with that? I replied. “That’s where the problem is. If I grant every wish, any kind of wish, even the bad ones, I don’t think that the world could “go around” the way it supposed to be. Dude, U have no idea how sick and twisted some prays are. I heard one where these girls ask that the end of day to come right now or where these guy ask that his father died so he can marry her girlfriend, etc, bla-bla-yada-yada. If I were to grant those kinds of wishes, what do U think will happen?” He said.
“So, my prayers all outrageous? C’mon, it’s not like I ask that I became king of the world or sumthin?! Why U didn’t grant my wish?” I asked. He replied, “Cuz it’s not how things work tovarisch. U see, if U ask me to pass the national exam, would I just grant U to pass and U don’t need to do anything? No pain no gains dude. There’s a procedure called process. Maybe today we almost forgot cuz U all live in the internet or instant era where U can have what U need in a “click”. But the process gives U sometimes to think, to evaluate and finally to decide what is “want” and what is “need” and which is the best for U.”
“So, if I ask U, like I hope I am meant to be with the girl I “love” (DAMN it’s a strong word and I don’t think I could bear the consequence of it), all I can do give my best and hope for the best, for what it’s worth. True?” I asked. He replied, “Yup, if it’s meant to be. It’s there by the grace of God, by me. Cuz sometimes what U wants is not what U need. And actually it’s not me that decided what is good or not, it’s U. Yes, human have the ability to “choose” your own destiny. U guys are on a trip in an open road. Yes there are ups and downs, cross road/intersection, long and winding road, even turning point where life can turn into the direction that U never expected. But the determination, the effort and the sweet long victory, even failure will makes U who U are, whether it’s for the best or for the worse, makes it all worth while. All I can give is some chances or road or a door. Whether U made it or not, that’s up to Ur effort. So, work hard, give all Ur best and pray. Have a little faith in me, and in U also.”
“So, just like the Islam old saying that U, or to be exact, God won’t change the fate of people unless the people itself willing and strive for it?” I asked. “Yup, and by the grace of God it will. Whatever will be, will be. And remember, for every step U take U have to take one step at a time. Little by little in order to maintain a steady and firm step. Journey of a thousands mile begin with a single step. I only give U chance, the rest is up to U whether U make it or not” He replied.
”Well then, Thnx a bunch dude! I think I begin to accept what is happening to me. I guess U can say that what U don’t have U don’t need it now and what U can’t have U don’t need it somehow, right? But can U make at the very least grant my pray about the girl that I have crush, OK it’s understatement, obsessed just like vulture, could really meant for me dude?” I ask. Then He replied with a swift move fading away as I begin to wake up, “Don’t dream the impossible kiddo, live life like U was meant to. Don’t look up or U will be let down cuz there’s so many people that were better than U. Don’t look down or U will be arrogant and satisfied cuz there’s so many people that were worse than the state U are. Walk straight and look straight and live the life on U’r own, what U were meant to comrade”.
“Wait U still didn’t answer my question……” Than I just wake up. Is it dream after all? Hell, I don’t think I could come up with so many words of wisdom on my own and Darth Vader?