I’d like to write a song ’bout our love, but there is none…
“There Is None” by The Working Title
In commemoration of the month of love, I think it’s inevitable to write something that has something to do with love, even though some country (such as some state in Malaysia) and most Moslem is forbid to celebrate valentine day. But, as an individual who believes in the rights to be different (we are born different and none are similar anyway) and just like to try a little rebel now and then, I guess why not write something bout this, but don’t get me wrong, I hate valentine day, for one reason only: chocolate. Why it has to be chocolate? Back to the topic anyway…
So, I just though to myself that since I’m no Subject Matter Expert on this thing, I just try to write or maybe breakdown what is the thing we called “love”, according to Oxford Illustrated American Dictionary (1998) + Merriam-Webster Collegiate Dictionary (2000), Love is the emotion of strong affection and personal attachment, but I guess everybody have their own version of what is “love”. The word “love”, lets call it L just to make it simpler, and the very definition of L is very subjective, depends on the state of relationship of the individual that experience it.
For some L can be the purest and most beautiful thing in the world, while for other maybe just some delusion that was created by our own mind to co-op with this world, while for the brokenhearted and jaded, L might be some trigger to commit suicide. But to make it more specific, let’s give a shot of venom for myself first, before spread it out to another.
As U can see, even as hunk as I can be, I have the most prestigious title to never went on a date, a serious date which required some mutual agreement that men and woman are consent to committed or attached themselves to only each other party that they are agreed to attached by the agreement (why on earth I wrote something as f#*%ed up as this?). Yep, I never really claim myself as someone else”better half” as I only limited myself in the non-committed relationship, a freelancer in the L world a “friend with benefit” he he. Then again, relationship, a ship U can relate, and since the ship I can relate is USS Enterprise or maybe Titanic, no wonder that most of my desperate endeavor to find my whoever ended up sinking ^_^.
Sting once said in his song that also the title of the song itself “If You Love Somebody, Set Them Free” and this train of thought was also approve by my neighbor who happened to be a Buddhist, he once said (hope that my twisted memory serves me right) that we are never really posses anything in this realm. All of this, everything in this world is a vague and temporary. We are born alone, unless U’re twins (lucky U) and we will die alone. Knowing this, we search for a company that will accompany us in our life, our better half most of people said. But as mentioned before, we never really posses something, our better half is his/her own. Just like us, we are an individual, not an item nor a pair. We are no one’s property. So, if U has someone to be called U’re lover or U’re better half, U have to learn to let them go, for if they return to U, she/he is really meant to you, if not, she/he never meant to be with U in the first place.
But L really sparks some envy, jealous or even hatred if our special one is being “hit” by others. They say jealousy is some prove that L is existed. Then came the feeling of possession, we became possessive of our L one, cuz our sub-conscious somehow applying the fact that our special one is ours and no one else should have the right to “interact” with her the way we interact with her (cuz the agreement between 2 parties that I mentioned before). Somehow things became “material” and the purity of L becomes tainted in the process. It’s not like I don’t believe in love, OK I don’t believe love at first sight (its lust, not love!!!) but I do believe the warm feeling when I, in my own mind and definition, fell In love.
Somehow I always fell, or to be more blunt and exact, I always stabbed, pierced, slashed, scorched, burned, mutilated, etc by arrow of cupid for all the wrong reason (and for the girl that my parents considered to be wrong), so wrong in so many different levels that I insist that it’s supposed to be right (or for the very least has some degree of right that can still maintain my hope for what it’s worth), at least in my own twisted mind. U see that my dad won’t approve if I date, wonder how furious if I ended up married, a Chinese, non-Moslem girl and strangely I always fell on this specific type. Probably my dad forbid me to date/marry non-Moslem based on his experience with my mom (they have different faith) and how hard life turned out to be (can’t blame them but what’s not fair is that at least he had experienced the L while I’m not). At the moment, I fell on the same hole like a blind donkey, just let the picture below tells it all.
Hell!!!!! Why am I writing this anyway? Maybe just like the quote from the song I mention before from The Working Title (a very good song, please do check them out on web), I like to write something about us (me & that girl) but there is none! There’s no “us” to begin with, only U and me, and it feels like half-side or the opposite side of the polar (SIGH).