I Can Accept Defeat, Not Surrender..Still

I’ve crossed the last line / From where I can’t return  / Where every step I took in faith / Betrayed me / And led me from my home /Sweet surrender / Is all that I have to give

Sarah McLachlan – Sweet Surrender

It just crosses my mind somehow, after I have a weird dream. I remember the time (circa 1998) when Germany lost to Croatia in World Cup, or also in any other sport events where I was in the loser team, I was devastated. Somehow I remember the feeling of…lost, when u feels at the bottom of the abyss. That sense of helplessness, hopeless, devastated.

That was the time we realize that even sometimes no matter how hard we try, sometimes we just can’t get what we want. Well, some people will refuse this & defy fate, or any other form of denial that U prefers. But that’s how life goes, U win some U lose some.

I remember when I was in my early high school & I’m still active member of soccer team, we was lost to another school in a match that we coulda-woulda-shoulda win but we’re not. It taught me that winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing ^_^. Harsh but true. It’s natural selection at its best. Thousands, even zillions of competitors but there can be only one winner.

Guess what? I know we all hate losing, but sometimes we face a loosing battle & we have to accept the fact that we lost, maybe its some sort of rite of passage, $hit happens, something must go that way sometimes. I learn it the hard way & I don’t know if this helps or not, even if I’m lost, I could still held my head up high if I know I give my best, even if technically I’m still a loser. Bottom-line, I can accept defeat but not surrender.

But come to think about, I just realize when I saw this picture on my gallery folder, that if U R a religious guy, after all the struggle, all the fight, in the end we have to “surrender” to God, to leave everything in the hand of fate. This picture also haunts me cuz recently I lost my iPhone to a God-damn-@$$hole-f*#in’-cunt pick pocket, after all the rant, rage, swearing, scream, all I can do is just “surrender” & just let go.

So, do I just have to accept that we have to surrender? Well, I still believe that we have to fight & give our best before we decided to surrender he he. Just like McReady said at the end of  “The Thing” that after he survived, battling and somehow “prevail” (man he is one truly die hard bastard he he. Love this movie) all he can say is Why don’t we just…Wait here for a little while…See what happens…Maybe there is something called sweet surrender ha ha (maybe if we falling in love we could say it’s a sweet surrender ha ha ha).

Last photo of my iPhone. God rest his soul & damned that @$$hole, shall U rott in hell

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