Love? Actually…I Have No Idea

We Live in front porches & swing life away/We get here just fine by our minimum wage/If love is labor I’ll slave to the end/I won’t cross this street until U hold my hand..& swing life away

“Swing Life Away” by Rise Against

Amateur? Probably

Well, this is the month of love so people say, guess it is inevitable to write that subject. As an amateur in love department (just ask all my acquaintances & they won’t recognize whether even I have a girl or not, till now ha ha), I know I don’t have the competency to write bout this, but just like Damien Rice said in my favorite love song ever “Cannonball” that it’s not hard to grow if U know that U just don’t know & since now I have a steady relationship (who doesn’t seem steady he he), I encouraged myself to give some thought bout love. Come to think of it, if Rise Against can write such romantic song like that (they are known as a political band), I guess we all have that romantic side he he & I need to remind myself to stop playing “Swing Life Away” over & over & over again ha ha.

So, first thing first, what is love? On my Macbook dictionary, love is ‘an intense feeling of deep affection or by definition of my friend in high school, is when the butterfly on you stomach is in action mode, or when U sees someone, everything is move on slow mode, & other weird definition.  Bottom-line: I don’t know what love is so how could I write something about it? As I ask anyone else, the definition is very diverse (depends on whom U ask, their background –education, etc), so guess I have to compiles all source & what I can comprehend so far, which is…we, especially I don’t know what exactly love is, just when I as clueless when I  wrote my blog a want is not a need.

But honestly I usually hate the thing called love. Why I hate it? Not cuz I’m such an amateur in this field, but I don’t believe in the thing called love, I mean, have U read/saw/ Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet”? Stupid! Why they even commits suicide? Or story bout Helen of Troy where one stupid girl left her husband cuz she in love with prince of Troy, city of Troy & everything inside it including innocent civilian bear the consequence : slashed/raped/killed/burned to the ground (if U asks me, I’d kill Helen & saves everything – anyone else).

Probably the fact that I didn’t believe at “love” in general, especially love at first sight, I mean how come U could know that the person that U saw at first sight is gonna be “the one” that will spend the rest of Ur pathetic life with (there are so many fish in the sea & U just settle with one fish without knowing how the other would taste)? I prefer lust at first sight. Another offense, the term love of my life, is that even remotely possible? Say my wife died & then I married again, which one is the love of my life? The last offense is the fact that everything is fair in love & wars, which only mean it’s a savage war for winning love, how many times I heard cry like “I saw her first” or “It should’ve been me” or any other heart breaking confession. That’s why there’s a thin red line between love & hate.

Recently, me & my girl I have a “conversation” about the state of us cuz she somehow knew that I might fall for another girl (women intuition, something to be reckoned with. Wow) & whether I need sometimes to review the state of us. I just thinking if the situation is like I have a car & then other car passing by & I just awe-struck, did that considered as cheating? Well, lesson learned, relationship is nothing that can be “sure of”, too many variables, x-factor to determine some relationship is good or not. What about mine? Well, it’s not a sinking ship in the level of Titanic but it sure does have its ups & down.  1 thing I do learned is, U never knows what U got till it’s gone but in my case I just “almost” lost it. So, is she the love of my life? Hell I know? We just were getting started.

I don’t know what am I rambling here, probably just to let go some steam ha ha, but just as I found some dead-end, I heard Richard Marx & Donna Lewis song on the radio “At The Beginning” OST of Anastasia, the lyric is really somehow came as a revelation for me, “Life is the road and I wanna keep going, love is the river I wanna keep flowing … in the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with U” & that lyric somehow explains it all, we can never know who is our love of our life until the last moment we draw our breath then review our life at that moment we know who that person in. Just like quote from Dr ZhivagoMan is born to live, not to prepare for life.” So it does with love, we just have to try & run it, trial & error is a compulsory rite of passage & to error is human.

Guess my final conclusion is (though I still have no idea of love) that love is process that we have to run, not some destination (blame Disney for that happily ever after ending which misguided us to the fact that life is a never ending sequel & sequel tends to suck), it’s not just some feeling that came to us, it’s a commitment of 2 parties to engaged themselves in some institution called in-a-relationship or marriage, something that grows within U. I guess I have to run it with what I have now & hopefully when the times come, I can say that she was or hopefully is the love of my life. For the moment…swing life away ha ha (I need to stop my addiction to this song he he).

Match-made in heaven? Who knew he he

PS : Happy Valentine though it’s early & damn I loathe that day (full of chocolate, Yuck!!!)

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