Now & Then, Not Light-year But A Progress Nonetheless

On, 14th of February on 87.6 Hard Rock FM Jakarta at Provocative Proactive show discusses a very interesting issue, about atheist in Indonesia (way better than talks bout love, on 14th of February? Overrated!!!). & I stumble into some interesting account on facebook about atheism (just hit word atheist & U’ll find many account such as Atheist Indonesia, Atheist Minang, etc). U probably thinks what’s so hard to be an atheist in Indonesia but let me tell U upfront that in a country where Moslem is majority, & most Moslem here is hard-line to the edge of radical, it’s hard to be anything different than Moslem, I’m a Moslem in case U think what this guy know about Moslem in Indonesia, so U get some scoop from the inside ha ha. Also I like to do some retrospective regarding the atheism, since my nickname at college is Adit-Atheist (AA) he he.


First thing first, I already stated that I’m borderline atheist, to be exact I’m probably the bisexual of religion, an agnostic like I write before. I believe in God but I don’t believe in the concept of religion. It’s not like I’m coming from troubled family, I just came from mixed religion family, my dad is a Moslem & mom is devoted catholic (cat-holic? No wonder my mom & I love cat ^_^). I grew learn both (but somehow my Catholic grade in school is waaay above my grade in Islam ha ha. Go figure) & coming from a “different” family will expose U to some “ugly truth” of this God forsaken world & to be polite let me say that though I come from both world but I never really accepted by both, son of both world but also son of none ha ha.

Why I just don’t embrace Islam? Well, I believe that every religion told us to do good & probably most of us just embrace religion that was given from our parent or religion that suits our preference, Islam is good but their fanatics is pain in the @$$ & just like anything in this world, majority as the supreme power is tends to corrupt (as the old saying goes, power tends to corrupt, absolute power absolute corrupt & who is more powerful than Superman says Batman & Lex Luthor ha ha ha). I mean, U know that is very easy to build a mosque here in Indonesia but to build church, temple, etc? U won’t believe the tangled web of bureaucracy & bribery. Or if U R minority as Chinese, U won’t believe how hard just to get a valid ID card, or in the old days to try entering government institution, read bout the GKI Yasmin case if U wanna know taste of things to come if U R a minority here in Indonesia. Bottom-line, if U R not part of them (majority), U R against them.

To make it worst, I love to read twisted book such as “Mein Kampf” by Adolf Hitler, “Il Principe“ by Niccolò Machiavelli or any works by Friedrich Nietzsche & my logic defy the “creation theory” that being endorsed by church & Islam (I prefer “Evolution Theory” by Charles Darwin) & like Karl Marx said, religion is an opium created by those who needs some place to rest their head, to . Also, as a cynical bastard, God has abandon us since I believe there won’t be any miracle again, the age of wonder & pioneer has long gone. God is dead, we killed him (or her depends on Ur preference). Even I think religion is too political (3 Abraham religion, Islam, Catholic, Christianity came from the same root but abuse of power, politic & other $hit makes them separated, such as the fact that prophet Muhammad is not a Jew ha ha).

Oh, also believe different kind of judgment day. I believe that Dinosaur were there when the last judgment day happens & all life rebuild/rebirth from the start again (kinda defy the fact what Abraham taught us he he. Oh’ & U know about that absolute power I talked before, religion is the most common “weapon” used by authority to control masses (the most abusive tools, that Nietzsche said were created to kill the Übermensch so common people could have significant rule in society)

Oh, don’t forget that I believe that the religion that we all know now is 2nd or 3rd hand religion that somehow along the way the teaching or verse is unintentionally changed (try whisper to a friend some message, have him/her pass the message to other, again & again until it came back to U, U’ll be surprised to know there will be a different or changes in the context or even change/twist the whole message) & religion doesn’t taught in written passage but orally at first . I fear that what they teach today is not what it meant or supposed to be.

The last offense is how my state seems to just let FPI (Front Pembela Islam or Islamic Defender Front) to act like some sort of I don’t know, vigilante or some drunken warrior on some crusade war or something. They can break any law & just walk away with it (no helmet on bike, assaulting others in public, burn mosque, etc). As a Moslem I am ashamed by them.

Maybe this is crazy, but hell is far more attractive due to the citizen that will consist hell. I mean, look at Kurt Cobain, Jimmi Hendrix, etc. The music probably Metal (while heaven only hope is Christian Rock or Qosidahan ha ha). No wonder hell is more compelling, I can’t stand that kind of “divine” music ha ha.

Probably I’m just young, stupid, reckless & rebellious ha ha.  Or I’m just too disappointed in humanity, like Rorschach said in Watchmen (one of the best comic book, ever) :

You see, Doctor, God didn’t kill that little girl. Fate didn’t butcher her and destiny didn’t feed her to those dogs. If God saw what any of us did that night he didn’t seem to mind. From then on I knew… God doesn’t make the world this way. We do.

Or to be more awesome, Tony Stark will explain how disappointed I am, also to God he he:

I feel U brother Tony!!!!


Don’t know why but listen the world through some fellow partner in crime (the atheist on that radio show & the post on facebook) really brings me to the state that somehow I turned into something that I probably loathe before. Here I am, slave to the wage, corporate robot & the once anti-establishment have settled down ha ha. Am I still agnostic? Somehow I’m a Moslem though not in “good” term ha ha. So, did I make peace with myself or something? Did I found a miracle? U won’t believe how twisted my mind so I turned into what I am now ha ha (let’s say that God works in mysterious way).

As an agnostic, I believe in God, but not religion, that’s the key word. Also as a chronic gambler, I believe in luck, fate & power beyond me (even as cynical as Friedrich Nietzsche is, his Übermensch theory he believes there will be a messiah, a savior that would rescue this world, a superman, something sort of a miracle). So, I believe there is a bigger reason why I was born here in this God-forsaken country, a different religion parent & labeled as a Moslem (something like “this ain’t paradise but this all I got”), I gotta make the best of what I got, as an ordinary people, I must bear with what I got rather than wishing for something that the probability is hard to be count on.

And as an avid comic reader, also after reading/watching “Watchmen” (the movie & digital novel) over & over again, suddenly this quote sounds like thunder that made me realize, what the hell a miracle is? It depends on Ur point of view, just like Dr. Manhattan said to Silver Spectre, commenting that even if she is a bastard, literally, an illegitimate daughter that came from some “accident” she is a miracle :

Memorable scene from good movie

Miracles. Events with astronomical odds of occurring, like oxygen turning into gold. I’ve longed to witness such an event, and yet I neglect that in human coupling, millions upon millions of cells compete to create life, for generation after generation until, finally, your mother loves a man, Edward Blake, the Comedian, a man she has every reason to hate, and out of that contradiction, against unfathomable odds, it’s you – only you – that emerged. To distill so specific a form, from all that chaos. It’s like turning air into gold. A miracle. And so… I was wrong. Now dry your eyes, and let’s go home.

Wow, either I’m a helpless romantic or what, but after that I just realize that as a fans of photography I love to shot nature & with every shot I take I always feels every moments is special, everything is a miracle, even life it self is a miracle (& if U believe in God, this is his works ha ha).

What about the fact that I don’t believe today’s religion teaching? Well, lets just say as a listener of Punk music (I don’t wanna say that I’m a Punker), I respect the difference & diversity of Punk it self, also to other genre of music & religion, which somehow holds some degree of divinity like music (for me though he he), it’s something very personal that holds a special value uniquely to each individual. Thus, lets just say that as long as we be a good person, pure at heart, it doesn’t matter what religion U holds (either it Islam with it’s sub-genre such as Ahmadiyah, Muhammadiyah, etc or any other religion), hell, even if U R atheist & U r a good person, I will still give my most proper respect for U. Just like the old saying goes “Kill ‘em all. Let God sort them out” so as human we don’t have the capabilities to judge whether we are infidel or not. Let people do what they want as long as its doesn’t bother others ha ha.

Bout FPI & the gang? If there is/are God/Gods? Let’s say we just let the afterlife decides what best for them, though to defy them sometimes will fun ha ha. Bout music? Guess I can cope with that. If I could handle Malay song or Dangdut, guess I can handle any kind of Music ha ha (try those genre & see if U survive…U survive any genre ha ha).

Maybe cuz I’m older now (though I still young, stupid, reckless & rebellious) I can make peace with myself so somehow I accept everything for what it seems, for what it means, even for nothing. As an avid gambler, I put all my chips on my current religion, there has to be a better reason why I was born a Moslem ha ha. Thus somehow I can get along with everything ha ha, just like when I wrote that somehow I am communicating with God ha ha. Guess I’m not a good Moslem, but Moslem nontheless ha ha.


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