The only way out is through
The faster we’re in the better
The only way out is through ultimately
Alanis Morissette – “Out Is Through”
Recently, I found my old sparks in video game again, at first I just played fighting game, Virtua Fighter 4 Evo on PS2 since I’m too poor to buy PS3 he he. Then, just like that I addicted to video game all over again. Just like any other addiction, its always demands something more, higher dose, different kind, etc so I played the most time consuming genre (besides fighting & sport game) RPG. I played Tales of Destiny on PS1 (yep, 2012 & I still played PS1. Hell! If my dad didn’t throw my Genesis, I still played those anyway) where I just realized I have this fatalism symptom where I believe that fate conquered all, not like I’m the kind of guy who jumped the building in order to find out that if God permit it I will survive he he, but I played the game all the way through without give a single $hit of complete 100% or not, I just determined to finish it. I’m just intrigued by this & realize that I have fatalism symptom, even if it’s just a little.
I realize that through these 28 years of my pathetic life, I just roll the dice in this big casino without give a 2nd thought, well I give some thought, but mostly I just use my instinct & go for it. It’s not like I’m spontaneous or what, I still have some boundaries like parents permission, environmental / family value or society pressure (which the least I gave f#*k he he). I mean, most people, like in video game, hit the reset button, or even start a game from the beginning in order to reach the best result possible, but not me. I just go through it till the end for better or worse.
Like my relationship with a girl from different faith that lingers on for 7 years, most people know how the story will end (most just crash landed while just a few survived but still on the brink of separation due to pressure of society) but I, I can’t say we cuz she left me & married someone else, I keep holding on till she say that she had enough & decides to leave the ship he he. Or even when I realize I took wrong faculty, not my type-dream-suitable faculty, but I guess since I already jump into the pool might as well just dive into the abyss & see where it takes me.
Come to think of it, I have suicidal tendencies, I listen to suicidal song (I even wrote my soundtrack or background music when I commits suicide) but never come to mind to end this life in gruesome way (it’s a wonder that I’m not joining club 27 he he). Guess cuz I believe that no matter how bad the situation is, if U endure, survive, then when U look at the past, when that happens, it will be just some sweet memory or nostalgic, just like quote from Ms. Jupiter :
She said that while thinking the time she were once abused sexually by the comedian, though somehow later in the future she & comedian really have intercourse then have a daughter. Another example, remember the time when U having those bad situation (bullied or being prank by senior in college, have to stand in the field for hours with one leg, beat up by teacher for not making assignment, survived car crash, etc), just try to remember those moments now & probably that U just laugh at those bitter-sweet, silly, death-life moments.
Let me put it this way, life is like walking through a dark road or tunnel, full of
uncertainty & threat but all we could do is walk through it, no option left (if U choose death there is an alternative), what do we do? Just go, just do it cuz like it or not, since we were born in this world, we already in that dark road or tunnel. Look at the option, walk back/retreat? Not possible cuz probably U just end up nowhere since U didn’t know how long the tunnel is, even just to go back, so just go. Then like what I said earlier, when U looking back at all those things that happened, it will be nothing but bad memory.
Guess what I try to say is, without like sounds like nihilism or submission to fate & all that crap, the only way out is through, to face & deal with the problem, not running away from it. Just endure, survive, for better or worse U will have one heck of story to be told to next generation he he.