First, I’m not a psychologist, but I love psychology, love to read about it, even
went to a psychologist hence I deducted a thought about relationship (not valid probably) that could trigger our mind to give more time to think about it. If you read love forum or other chat or forum about love, you might encounter the term “friendzone”. To make it simple, I let the awesome (he played as superheroes in DC & Marvel comic, how can someone be cooler than that!) Ryan Reynolds to explain what in the world is friend zone. Or some of you probably need wikipedia eh?
So, in short, once we fell into the friendzone, it’s very hard to get out & become potential boyfriend/girlfriend material. Why did this happen? Well, I’ll try to explain it the easy way: Since the dawn of time, man & woman is always have their differences. In prehistoric, man always wandering out, explore & hunt while woman stay at their house / shelter heaping or gathering herbs or cultivating crops. This also explains why man scared of monster under the bed (they didn’t familiar with domestic “problems”) while woman afraid of monster behind the widow (they didn’t familiar with outer world). Yes we are evolved (even sometimes man become more dandy or stylish than woman) but deep within, we are not evolved that much (due to the fact that we still in pre historic age mindset of using violence to gain what we want, e.g. war).
In relationship, especially in kindergarten or elementary, man played outside, competing, playing football, etc while woman play house-wife or cooking. So woman have this inner circle or support circle while man, pretty much clueless & on their own to find answer. So, friend zone is actually, when man became the woman inner circle, which most of the time is to be considered as another woman, thus that man became “not visible” to be a boyfriend.
Then again, as a Moslem, I used to be taught that there is a reason why man & woman who is not their muhrim (don’t have any blood relationship or married) shouldn’t be together, if they are to be together it advised to have a third party to accompany them in order to avoid the “unwanted” stuff. I know that most people will considered this prohibition a little ancient or outdated but let just be honest, the probability of something happen between man & woman together is pretty probable (maybe it has a bigger chance to happen than lets say we won a lottery ^_^). Bet most of you heard about office affair that happen between coworker because they see each other everyday (work early, came home late, no social life, then mermaid theory, that will be explained later on, happened).
That is why platonic relationship is so hard to maintain. I’ll be honest that most or every men are pig or cat that will eat everything that “given” to us. We wanna laid every woman that available. The things that stopped us to do so? Ethical, values & other principle that separate us from animal. We have the so-called intelligent or maybe we just claimed that we have free will, that is what makes us stopping from become such crazy orgy addicted jerk. This manly point of view is translated beautifully as mermaid theory from TV series How I Met Your Mother :
“Sailors stuck at sea would get desperate for female companionship. It got so bad that eventually the manatees out in the water started to look like beautiful women: Mermaids. You see, every woman, no matter how initially repugnant, has a Mermaid Clock, the time it takes for you to realize you want to bone her. Sure, today you see [your secretary] Iris as a manatee, but she ain’t going to stay that way.”
I told you from man point of view, so what about woman? I can’t tell since I don’t have a capability to put my shoe on woman. Man & woman have different view regarding state of affair. Man consider affair happen when physical thing happened (e.g. sex or other stuff) while woman consider affair happen in early stage, the non physical (e.g. emotional affair, flirting, intimate text, etc). Man as a hunter always out for the hunt or the thrill of the hunt at least. It’s in our gene to hunt but as creature with free will & intellectual we have the ability to stop doing it if it’s not ethical or something. But just like the title of this blog, shoulder to cry on could become dick to ride on & it takes two to tango so I guess with all our differences, deep down we are the same he he.
Through experience, what I can tell the difference between man & woman in relationship, that eventually lead to affair is this, man is loved while woman is beloved. Man is looking for girl he will be love all over the world while woman is waiting to be love by that man. I know it sounds old school cliché but deep down inside we haven’t evolved that much. As a hunter man showering woman with love until she accept him, after that woman love will grow knowing she is loved by him. A friend of mine once said, woman only need two things, comfort & attention. If you could give that woman will be submit to you. Lets just say friendzone is first step toward provide comfort & attention.
What makes me write this blog is an “incident” where friend of mine said that he “accidentally” took or stole his best friend’s girl. It all started when his girlfriend (at that time still his best friend’s girl) having a problem with his best friend. They became close since she share her thought (later her feeling ^_^) about the state of the relationship between her & my friend’s best friend. Long story short, my friend stole her like some pedophile stealing candy from a kid & later on sexually abuse that kid (sorry for the twisted analogy). Lets just say my friend played therapist then turned into the-rapist (since that girl is helpless due to the fact he knows everything about her) & “force” her into accepting him as the better man. So much for the term “in a relationship” he he.
Oh, it’s not like I disagree with people who don’t believe in marriage or the term in a relationship with, but do realize those term created specifically to create boundaries that someone is not available for others, he is exclusively available for the special one. It’s not the issue of property right or something but acknowledge that two people already share a special bond. Too bad most people nowadays don’t respect that boundary anymore or we just pretended to be the victim of the situation where “accidentally in love” bound to happen (very immature if you said this).
I won’t blame them since they all are adults & they are responsible only for themselves about their feeling (though ethically there is something indecent bout the process) but what hits me is this : if your special one (especially girl or wife) have a problem or anything that needed to be shared or helped, please be there for her. Remember that a shoulder to cry on could be a dick to ride on (let me rephrase that the chance or probability of an affair happens is bigger than the chance or probability for us to win a lottery ^_^). Guess the curse of friendzone really not a big deal, especially with the existence of friend with benefit these days.