It’s Not About You, It’s About The One You Care The Most

Well, I get some link from facebook about a blog that told a son asked his dad about marriage. He went through all of us feels when something big is gonna happen & in this case marriage, questions like “Is she the one?”, “Can I spent the rest of my life with her?”, etc. The advice his dad gave is a real knock-out :

“Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

Wow, that’s awesome! I hope when I have a son or daughter I can be that wise or at the very least, helpful to my offspring. Check here for the full article.

This is an eye opener, something that never crossed my mind. I mean, I mostly write that marriage, or any relationship in general, is about commitment not love (since love is, according to my experience, weak & just like any other feeling, it can changed), about accepting someone else as a whole package (not just the good looking parts or the physical appearance), etc. It never crossed my mind, that this is really some part that actually matter the most, the fact that if you married someone, you didn’t do it (just) for you, but for someone else, your significant other (along with all the package he/she brought ^_^).

We tend to forget that life is not always about ourselves, in this modern age with social media, we all have those 15 minutes of fame or even more. We all become narcissist @$$hole, consume to our own self or point of view that others didn’t matter. That’s the very reason apple & i-devices so popular, like it is called iPhone, not your phone or our phone but my phone. Stay the f*#k out of it! Don’t get me wrong, I’m an apple user, proud owner of MacBook & iphone he he, but the philosophy is so dead on for this blog theme. People nowadays only care about themselves.The “What’s in it for me?” train of though is what comes first every time we wants to do something, which is realistic, not all of us are social worker, we need money (money is not everything but everything needs money).

Sad but true
Sad but true

So, back to marriage, we ask “what’s in it for me?” if we decides to marry someone. Will we be happier? Wealthier? We all just thinking about ourselves, not the person we gonna married. Which is why most marriage nowadays failed, we don’t give a damn about the other party feeling. Some say 3 out of 4 marriage ended up with a divorce, that’s insanely high, maybe exaggerated but you get the idea that marriage is an uphill or even losing battle, bad investment.

Congrat sis!!!
Congrat sis!!!

Looking from logical point of view, it’s insane to get married but most of us still do, like my sister married recently (congrats!!!). Probably some people do “the leap of faith” hoping that somewhere along the way the grace of God would help them along the way in the path of marriage.

I mean, even the simplest relationship, like hooking up or flirting,  is became hard nowadays. Technology that supposed to help us communicating somehow contributing more negativity rather than positivity, text message is easily misinterpret, even a call also could be misinterpret since we somehow forgot that in order to communicate properly we needed to face each other, face to face seeing how people react to our message properly. Our egocentric nature also became worse with this new instant age or modern age, we rather throw stuff than fix it, no wonder most relationship sinking nowadays.  It’s sad to know that sex became just a “recreational stuff” not some act of…I don’t know love? Love has lost it’s meaning nowadays. We truly live in the age of decadency.

So, with all the facts above, is true that love is dead that we just supposed to just breeding like herd or reproduction for the sake of keeping the existence of our species rather than do it for love? With cloning technology or even our effort to live longer & healthier, we probably doesn’t need sex anymore in the future. Love, sex or other emotionally attach activity is become just a mundane, futile activity.I’ll be honest with you, love hurts. It’s one side of the story but just like any other story, it also has another side, the happy part. We sometimes just focus on the sad part & gave up on the happy part. If it worth it, t worth fighting for, even dying for.

IMG_2045 That’s why the idea that marriage, or to be more common a relationship, is not for us, but for those people that we care the most is very “eye-opener”. We can survive & hold on against the bad time if we realize that the relationship is not about us, bit for others. I guess when I realize that the things that make me fall for my girl is when I see her smile, I will try my best to make her happy & smile, I will feel bad when I saw her cry, especially if it happens because of me (kinda lame I know, but I guess that’s how I feel about it ^_^). I mean, Batman gave his everything to Gotham without expecting the city to be grateful to him (in fact Gotham, it’s Cop, criminal, even people in majority consider him as vigilante & menace rather than hero). Some say unrequited love is the purest act of love.

Wise word dude
Wise word dude

If talks in positivity doesn’t make any sense to you (I admit that I am a negative person, every time something went to smooth I always though there’s something fishy here he he), let’s put it this way, read the awesome quote from Bob Marley himself about relationship. Love the the way he mentioned that we will hurt each other, eventually or by accident. We just need to find someone worth suffering for (like Batman suffer for Gotham).

Here’s some advice from Elizabeth Gilbert (an author) explaining the perfect couple or soul mate (which my cynical thought always consider it to be replaceable just like coffee mate ^_^). Hopefully we can decide or find our soul mate in a more realistic way (which somehow really inline with Justin Timberlake’s “Mirrors”).

soul mate

Have a good day people ^_^.


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