Since my son is born, I have weird dream involving him in the future. Some sort of scenario that might happen in the future, but kind of absurd, like my son ask me if it’s OK if he converting his faith to another religion or is it OK if he decided to be a police rather than another job, etc. My wife told me that those dreams probably my deep darkest fear regarding my son and I’m kind of agreed with it.
I remember when I was young, I used to make fun of my parents, asking what make them believe that they knew me so well, what give them rights to control my life or even questioning their competencies to tell me how to lead my life. I always taught that my parents don’t have the right to tell me what to do when I was old enough to have the responsibilities for everything that I do or consequences of my action. I never knew how wrong I was until I have a son.
I realize how hard it is to have a son, to nurture it, to teach him, to prepare him for the future. All that troubles even makes me once said to my son (which he probably didn’t understand since he just 3 months old), “If you dare to make mommy cry when you’re old enough. I could hit you if it’s necessary” ha ha. I realize why parents think that they “own” us, because they really have every right to own us, especially our mother. No wonder in Indonesia, there’s a saying “heaven lies in the feet of your mother”, or in Islam Mohammad the prophet once asked by someone who he should give his utmost proper respect to in this world and he said your mother. Then the man asks, “Next?” and the prophet said again your mother. Then the man asks after that? The prophet said again, your mother. After the man asked for the fourth time the prophet then said your father. That’s why our mother have every rights to own us if you ask me.
But after seeing life after I married with your mom, I realize that sooner or later we have to let you go kiddo. Either because you’re married, have a life on your own or one of us “departed”. So I guess we can’t really “own” you. I guess what people say that a child doesn’t belong to their parent, they belong to the future. They have their own path to walk, their own life to lead. A child is a gift that entrusted by God (or any other deity, should you believe in that concept) to parent to be nurtured, prepared for the future.
But knowing how hard it is to taking care of a child, to give birth, no wonder parents act like they own their child. It’s OK I guess as long as what they do is in the name of love, for the sake of their own child. What makes matter worse, we always remember our child as our sweet little baby that needs our helps to survive, that need our embrace so they can sleep tight all night, that need to be hug in order to be sleepy, etc he he. Even when they are already big enough, we still call them our little one ^_^.
Sure some of us parent don’t know the limit of interfering with our child’s life. I guess learning from my own experience, the limit is when our child say, “I hate you!” or maybe when they say “I wish you were dead!” he he. Sure it just “spur of the moment” but that also a reminder that our child already had or has plan of his/her own, the path they choose. All we can do is just preparing them with the necessity to achieve it.
When I was young I always thought the term “if you love somebody, set them free” or “I’d be happy as long as you’re happy, even if it meant that you’re happy with someone else” is piece of crap. But I guess sooner or later we realize that we can’t have it all, we can’t always get what we want. That’s when you learn to let go. Either you take it as losing, and learning to know when you’re lost, or as an experience, a lesson for your self in order to become more mature. As I writing this “Someone New” by Eskobar playing in my head ha ha.
Well, I guess at some point in life, we have to learn to let go because we knew that no matter how hard we try, how hard we pray, sometimes we just have to “let it go”, to let the hand of fate or leave it to God (if you religious), or to chances (if you secular or atheist). If it meant for you, it will become yours “eventually” (if you willing to wait for…forever?). As a parent, I guess the question is do you love them enough to let them go? To let them find their own path, to learn from their mistakes. The sad reality is, we have to let them go sooner or later for they are belongs to the future while we are belongs in the past. I guess all we can do is just preparing them for everything, for what the future has in its store for them.