Parenting 101

Being a parent wasn’t just about bearing a child. It was about bearing witness to its life

jodi Picoult

So, recently I have the opportunity to learn something new, parenting. Sure it sounds either weird or dumb but somehow it opened my eyes and showed me how wrong I am all this time. I realized that I’m being a parent for myself, not my son. I hope that I could make things right, or at the very least, make my son a better person. I decided to write somethings that I learned in this course.

For 2 days I learned something new that I hope I can share. Sure, some of it have religious elements but it could be applied by everyone, even some of the participants aren’t Moslem. The speaker is Abah Ihsan, here are some of his social media accounts in case you wanna check his “words” he he. He were famous for his 18-21 program, where parents unplugged all their gadgets (TV, phone, radio, etc) and focus to spending quality time with their children (playing, studying, etc).

I just realized that all this time I’m being a parent for me, not for my son. I failed to realize that it’s in a children’s nature to play, run, jump and go wild. It’s their way to learn, which I failed to realize and recognized as “naughty”, demand attention or anything else. Like the time I take my 2 years 8 month old son to do Friday mass or prayer in mosque, I always ask him to be quiet or don’t move. It’s against their nature. I’m terribly sorry for my son. And yes the reason I upset is because I don’t focus on him, but I do multitasking such as playing gadget while accompanying him, that’s why I kinda angry when he do outrageous things he he. It’s his nature and way to learn.

Some parents failed to realize that children are gift not a burden. That’s why some parents “angry” to their children, to the point some couples wanted to get married but without having children, sure it’s OK but kinda stray from human nature in order to survive and sustain our species he he. Sure most of us ready to be married but not prepared to be parents, so most of us relying on 2 things: trial (& error) and heritage upbringing. So yeah I’m kinda happy to learn something that really useful.

Oh, also I always thought that words are just empty, hollow or pointless. But for children, words are everything. Even the slightest word of mishaps can have a deep impact for them. No wonder most children (especially teenagers) have their self-esteem destroyed in their house. Such words like “why can’t you be like…” or “is it that hard just to…” or even any other can inflict such wounds to out children. Just like what was taught in Islam, be careful of your words, it might came true, it’s some sort of prayer and once it said it cannot be take back. So yeah I will keep in mind that some people are so weak that mere words hurt them (if they are grownup though 😅).

The so-called advice (an abundance or non-stop advices) could also shattered their self-esteem. Please be careful. Just like a glass, once it full, it cannot be filled with more water. Let them have what their saying, let them express their ideas. Remember that even prophet Abraham (Ibrahim in Islamic) asked his son permission and consent when God ask him to sacrifice his son. Let their opinions be heard and make them feels “matter” for their own good.

If our children self-esteem aren’t “fulfilled” in our house, they will seek acknowledgement elsewhere, or worse, to “fulfill” their needs they will bully others or break the rule / norm (to make their self-esteem worthy or above others).

So, if your children is an @$$hole or jerk or stupid (or some people say LGBT and all that jazz), don’t look elsewhere because it’s your fault as parents. You’re failed to become a worthy parent, a guide or guardian for them. Don’t blame your children (they are the product of your “teaching”), your children friends (they spend more time with you from the beginning), History or genes (even an identical twin have different path or fate) or even God. Here are percentages of influences of a person:

  • 100% influences at age 0-12 years. This is where parents need to guide them
  • 60% influences at age 13-15 years. They become interested in other value such as friends, etc.
  • 40% influences at age 16-18 years. Teenagers he he. Rebel phase or experiment phase.
  • 10% influences at age above 19 year because they are adults now. They have their own life.

So it parents job to give them “default” value as a guide for the rest of their life. If they “stray” or changed on some way, it’s your fault because the time you have 100% influences didn’t maximized by you. Just hope they stray or change to be a better person (hopefully you are suck but they become better 😁). Some insight is, treat your 0-7 years child as a king (this is where they study and explore), treat your 7-14 year child as soldier (tell then what to do) and treat your 15 & above child as an “equal” to preparing them as an adult.

Also there are homework that I must applied in order that I won’t forget the things I learned on this course. So, I just break it down the homework assigned for every parent attending the course:

  1. Starting today I will take care of my children from Hell fire, started with providing time for my children everyday. If I have time to face to face I will applied 18-21 program (time out from all gadgets and focus only interaction with our children. Playing, talking and studying) or any other time as replacement (3 hour minimum). Starting when our children 10 years old, give our children private time with them at least once a month, like road-trip, watching movies, traveling.
  2. Starting today I will give freedom to my children. For their own sake as long as : Didn’t bring harm to themselves; Didn’t hurt or bothering others; Didn’t against religion or all kinds of law
  3. If I forbid them, I’ll make sure that restriction isn’t the necessity but the abundance or excess of it.
  4. Starting today I will train myself to be a strict parent but not rude, kind parent but not soft, have an authority to control my children but not dictatorship. I’ll do it with more action less talk. Making strong boundaries and consequences. And punish my children with consequences that already talked and agreed before. I won’t be defeated by : Cry; Whine; Shout; Rage; Threat; Rude words; Physical attack; Any other denials and resistance whatsoever. It’s all because no one is ever freed from boundaries or law, but don’t forget for every boundaries or law there are also freedom to do other things as long as it didn’t against the boundaries or law.
  5. Starting today I will try not to say negative words about my children before them. I’ll won’t accept if my children self esteem become negative because of my negative words.
  6. Starting today I’ll make my children love kindness. Make them believe they are a good person, with pay attention when they do good deeds. I won’t be hesitant to : Prayed for my children and intentionally “heard” by them; Express my positive feelings towards them; Tell their kindness to the people they knew and intentionally “heard” by my children

So yeah, this parenting course is quite an eye opener. Hopefully I could be a worthy parent for my children and I could prepare them for all the things to come, also give them enough preparation to lead their own life.

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We Live In Grey World? Or We Just complicate It

People say we live in grey world. The line between wrong or right is getting blurry nowadays. It’s not as simple as black & white anymore. But is it really the case? I remember when I was smaller, things don’t get as complicated as today. There are guidelines and rule that works as simple as it get. Obey it, you’re fine but broken it, you’re wrong and there’s a consequence. As simple as that, so what went wrong? How come the world is filled with grey matters?
Probably people will said, the world isn’t as big as your house. There are different rules applied in different houses, in different families, even in different countries. And that’s where the problem lies IMHO. We try to applying too many rules or try too hard to please everyone.
Let me put it this way, in Indonesia, there’s an old saying “Di mana bumi di pijak disitu langit dijunjung” which means that we have to honor the culture or rules of the place where we are at the moment. If you’re in a place where Islamic culture is applied, dress yourself accordingly to the culture. If you’re a Moslem who came to other countries that don’t have the same culture as you (e.g. Germany with Beer culture or Chinese with pork food as a common thing), respect that culture! Avoid the things that doesn’t suit your culture (beer, alcohol, pork, etc) just be vegetarian or cook your own food, don’t force your so-called needs just to make a statement that yours is “needed to be heard” while what you’re doing is just bragging that yours is better than them.

So true
 

This difference among us should’ve taught us to respect others and unfortunately this is where people used the so-called self righteous or superior complex or whatever you called it to act above the local value and force that what they believe is the right one. I guess deep down we all just a self-righteous b@$tard he he.
Sometimes some group of people try to forcefully adapt foreign value that seems beneficially, or grant them permission to be “different”, the extreme sample is where LGBT try to make their way of life accepted in country that forbid them, especially in Islamic country or where the population is majority Moslem. The non extreme case is probably what we see in the social media right now, free sex, bragging rights, excessive life, etc.
This is where the so-called modern age makes things hard because in this digital age, internet, TV, makes the so-called border or boundary of some culture is, well vanished. My parents always wondering where did the good old fashioned value that once a well known traits of our country went into, probably just like “chivalry is dead” because we killed it. I hates when people thinks that my good manners is an act of flirt (if it’s the opposite sex) or try to licking someone’s @$$. Is it so hard to be a good person? Or we just accept the fact that we bound to be failed to be decent because these are an indecent time we living it? We were supposed to be the people that live in modesty, honest, back to nature or even well-known for hospitality. Right now I saw Indonesian as a culture that were swallowed by globalization and the clash between traditional & modernization (that not always compatible with our core value) is creating quite a schism.
Honestly, there are things called mere exposure effect that explains that if we are exposed to something for some period of time, we will be familiar to it & accept it. Like if we spent time with junkies, prostitute, killer, etc (without keeps in touch with other people that supposed to be the “normal”) we will “understand them or even agree with them. Like some twisted Stockholm Syndrome. That’s why Islamic countries very concerns with the depiction of free sex, liberal life or anything that doesn’t in-line with their believes, people tend to influenced by it (or corrupted in extreme way of saying it).
Either we abused the so-called empathy and human rights or something, but since we tried to understand why people do something (really bad) or maybe they just @$$hole, the thin line becoming more & more blurry as time goes in. Or probably people just wants to corrupt more people the way they are corrupted ha ha, as in misery loves company, the more the merrier. Or we just wants to have easy way to enjoy life, hedonistic is a human traits. This story about an Islam immigrant that exposed to American culture is a food for thought, I’m not saying he is wrong, but this is the mere exposure effect if you ask me he he. But that’s the tricky part about “justifying” things that you shouldn’t do, it leads to another he he.

Sure we have to be “open-minded” for new things, culture or everything, but I believe we have to maintain our identity, our core values or our default believes. After all, in order to judge something is better or not we need a comparison that in this case our default norm. Either we like it or not, we need someone else to judge or to asses or appraise ourselves. True we live in a grey world, but it’s because we complicate it with try to adapt with many things that sometimes doesn’t even compatible with us. Sometimes we just have to stick with what we believe, no matter what other people say, it may cost us some friend, but friend of anyone is friend of none if you ask me. If someone hates you, that means you stood for something he he, for better or worse.

Maybe though

Sausage Party, Filled With Hidden Agenda?

 Recently, I just watched Sausage Party, a 3D animation movie that, if you’re unaware, you might think that this is a kid movie. But seeing who voiced the character (Seth Rogen, Michael Cera, Edward Norton! Etc) also the cover mentioned “from the guy who brought you “This The End” and “Pineapple Express”, I guess this is going to be one hell of a ride ^_^. Oh, forgot to mention that I watch it on bootleg DVD since this type of movie will probably never officially released in Indonesia. Oh, spoiler alert, some of the story or even ending will be told, so in advance I urged you to watch this movie he he.

All the movies that were mentioned on the cover of that DVD never really hits cinema in Indonesia, or made a big splash in the box office. But if you lucky enough to see it, you’ll understand why it was considered as cult movie or something he he. Those movies tells a theme that rather sensitive, especially in Indonesia, drugs, sex and religion. Seeing the pattern of this, you’ll probably somehow guessed where this movie will led to.

The plot of the movie is rather innocent, about the life of unanimated object in Supermarket such as fruits, jams, or even non-biological object like, and dust bin or liquid container. This objects believe that their goal is to serve God(s) which is us, human that walk in the supermarket hallway and pick the lucky object to (purchased) sent them to a better place (they thought we take them to heaven or something). Everyday they sang and praise us human so that they can be chose to be taken to the “better place” until some item realized the horror or cruel reality that God(s) isn’t take them to a better place, but rather to “kill” them, consume them and throw them away. That’s the main plot idea of this wacky, rather genius movie.

Either this movie had hidden agenda to promote atheism / humanitarian or probably just a joke about religions, God(s) or any sort of believes that meant to create a conversation or debate or something, but this movie will trigger a question that most people try to hide or deny, what if what we “believes” or dogmatic teaching is wrong? This movie hits major religion such as Abraham religions (Islam, Christianity) as the main area of jokes he he. So, if you’re type of people that offended easily, this movie isn’t for you.

Those supermarket products actually worship the same God(s) but they worshipped it differently, according to their culture and background (in this movie, according to the type of product they are, ready to eat, packaged, liquor, produced from, etc). The difference between them makes them hates each other, such as Germany Bratwurst hates juice (this is an analogy of NAZI hates Jews, clever ^_^) or Kebab bread hates hotdog/bacon (an analogy of Middle East country hates western culture). Even the Kebab bread believes that after they died, God will grant them 77 virgin oils (jabs of Islamic believe that if a person who died in Allah’s way/jihad will be granted with 77 angles/virgins in the afterlife). Or how men & women shouldn’t get “physical” before marriage (in the movie, the bun and hotdog shouldn’t get together before God(s) take them and put them together.

Besides religion, they also take a jab on social value, such as cannibalism (the product gain more strength after they consume other product) or social class (the product that don’t have expired date such as liquor or honey get the top class, even held the responsible to create the teaching to worship human). This movie is really something.

The movie is one hell of a ride, but if you watch it you knew that this won’t end well. And it is ended abruptly insane. The supermarket product, In This Case a sausage, guided by the immortal chewing gum that stuck on Stephen Hawking’s desk thus makes him super intelligent, found a way to communicate with God (human). The sausage was bought by a junkie & when the junkie gets, high, he somehow accessing the ability to see through 4th dimension and see that the sausage and other object is an intelligent sentient being (just like the scene in “Interstellar” where the dad can see the daughter but can’ contact or interact with her). The junkie freaked out and submits to the will of the sausage & gave them the upper hand, until the junkie sober and thought that it’s all just a dream and thinking to eat the sausage. The sausage is freaked out and somehow by chance or the grace of God (the real god probably ^_^) the junkie is fell by accident and get beheaded by sharp object and dead. Thus they know that the God can be killed, they aren’t immortal, and they are just like “us”.

With this knowledge and the disappointment that what they worship and doing all this time is wrong, the products is rebelling against human by making them high (inject a needles consist of the drugs the junkie used) so they can move freely and kills God. Suffice to say the mission was a success, they manage to make the supermarket as their own, and then came the WTF part.

What would you do if you realized that what you worship is false, your believe is a lie and etc? In this movie the products did the most cliché things, they “rebel” against what they once believed with the act of orgy, homosexual, interspecies sex (if there are such things in supermarket product) and everything that once condemn or forbid. A Hollywood cliché or something. Either this is a hidden agenda to promote free sex or something, but there other things to rebel if you disappointed, you could kill, steal, or do any other 7 deadly sins but it’s always sex.


Also they try to promote the idea that man can do anything if they acknowledged there is/are no God(s). Like in this movie, after manage to “conquer” God(s), they try to conquer another dimension on which their alter ego exists (the protagonist sausage try to meet or kill his voice actor Seth Rogen, etc). Well it depends on how we see it honestly.

IMHO, this is a weird movie that somehow triggers me to over-thinking it. Maybe they just do this movie for fun (like “This is The End” or their other movies) or just for the novelty of it. But I wonder what kind of studio willing to funding this crazy story without an agenda ha ha. But I guess if you manage to just not over-thinking things, this is a fun, crazy, wacky and silly movie that worth to watch if you looking for an unconventional theme movie. Hey, even if you over-thinking this movie, it could grow an interesting debate or thoughts.

You Got Exactly What You “Want” In Life

I found this image on the internet and it got me thinking, this is probably right. We got exactly what we “want” in life. The problem is, that “want” is a very loose term that can’t be generated to everyone’s standard or even normal standard. Just read the image attached below.


Got the point? Sometimes we don’t know what we really “want” or to be exact, we thought that what we want is what we need. We even justified it with that stupid quote “never regret what you wanted, because at one point, that is exactly what you wanted”. What if what I really wanted once was to kill someone or to get “some” with someone else that I don’t supposed to like others wife, celebrity or imagination character? Seriously, Steve Jobs is right when he mentioned that people never know what they want until we showed them.
So, we’re supposed to find what we “want”? As simple as that really? Well, that’s the tricky part, a want is not a need, I always said that, but to make things worst, the “want” is usually temporary or just a phase like that hot girl from high school that you lusted and would do anything for…until you realize that she’s not worth it because one thing or another.
That “want” is, sometimes though, isn’t strong enough or to be more honest, not worth it, either you realize it or not ha ha. OK, to make that statement clear, I’m going to put it this way. In this modern age, where technology makes life easier, somehow it makes us more…weak I guess. I mean, we’re supposed to be the king of the food chain, Khalifah, the most dangerous predator of all time he he. But look at us know, victory has made us weak, too lazy to work out etc. Well, that’s an exaggerated but I hope you see through the sarcasm or stupid analogy of it.
We live in the world where we could get what we want instantly. This is a double edge sword depends on how you perceive it. It makes the process easier or we just don’t appreciate the process anymore. We don’t care about the details, the ups & down, as long as the result is in our favor. To make matter worse, we’ve seen how some people gain their 15 minutes of fame and somehow able to maintain it, even if some would say, it’s our fault to make stupid people famous or something, but the fact that they sill around is a sign that this is what “majority” likes, or even worship.
I’m sick to see how people treat Kardashians as if they are the best, most talented people or something. Or how people adored Korean celebrity for their “beauty” even if the fact that plastic surgery is so common, even a culture there. Or how today’s celebrity is the individual that sell controversy rather than achievement or work of art (even if art it self is also depends on the eye or ear of the beholder). As if what matter is the style, over the substance. These celebrities justified their reckless, stupid and dumb act in the name of be yourself, being honest, etc. No wonder today’s youth is become more & more like @$$Hole. They were “taught” that it’s cool to be promiscuous, to be a gangster or ghetto, etc.


True that those people I mentioned also maybe work hard to get to what they are today. But unfortunately this type of people gave the young generation a weird understanding on how to become success or how to behave. They seek the fastest way to became famous, or as if people acknowledgement or approval is important for them (sure it’s important, but not the goal, but byproduct or the result of the effort).
But then again, maybe this is the new era or something and I’m just the relic from the past. So, I guess people today should just stop complaining if their life isn’t the way that they “want” to. Because, just like the story of the image, if you want that life, earn it, work hard for it. If in the process you got distracted by social media, chasing fun or etc. Then I guess that “want” isn’t strong enough for you to be committed to it. You got the exactly what you “want” in life, be a slacker I guess ^_^.

Human Deep Dark Secret Lessons from Trump’s Victory

Any objections?

Well, probably people still wonder how on earth that Donald Trump won the US presidential Election. Did he cheat? Or there something wrong in the system? A glitch or something? Etc, etc. But the fact is, he won. Fair & square with margin difference that you can’t deny. So, seeing this, I personally found something to be learned here. Oh, this is a point of view from non US Citizen that loves watching a commotion or accident waiting to happen he he. Also I’m not a Trump supporter so this is a weird point of view of someone that fascinated by his victory.Trump’s victory revealed some of human deep dark secret that many people deny or pretends never existed. Especially those who believes in equality, liberty & all that jazz. Here is some that I found he he.

1. Silent majority

Say what you want but the fact that Trump won at large margin show that the majority of US citizen prefer him rather than Hillary. Sure most celebrity bitching about how bad & awful he is. But probably know we know that those celebrity probably minority that received out of proportion highlight by the media or some hidden agenda promoted by the media that have common interest?

We all know that media hates Trump, celebrity hated Trump, and IT mogul hates Trump. Almost everyone hates Trump, everyone that supposed to “matter” prefer Hillary than him. But wow, how the table has turned & the silent majority decided that Trump is better than Hillary.

Or the lesson here is, for everyone who thinks that they are “influential” people or celebrity or anything, this is a wake up call that maybe you’re not that influential, people just love to see you do some $hit that entertaining for them, not impacted or something. Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate your content or mapping your viewer or follower he he.

2. Social Media

This is interesting, because like I mentioned on point number 1, influential people doesn’t have a significant impact on the voters. Even though mainstream media, makes Trump a target, reporting every “mistakes” or bad behaviors, he still wins.

Some people blame social media such as facebook or twitter that “allegedly” giving false information about Trump. Though honestly information on social media is almost always misleading or bias depends on the point of view of the people that post the information. People somehow attracted to the information on social media that showing different point of view about Trump that was shown in majority media (that describing Trump as the bad guy). And isn’t “influential” people is the one that use or even abuse social media as their tool to promote anti-Trump agenda?

3. Backfire Attack

This is in conjunction with point number 2 where majority of media describing Trump as the bad guy or suggesting people to vote the other contender, bold moves that probably make the voter fed up with this “unethical” move by media or even social media. This is probably why voter tend to disbelief what major media told them to do.

Either people fed up with Trump “antiquity” or this is basic human psychology that tends to do the opposite that they are supposed to do or tell to do ha ha. Either way, these are a major back-fire or slap in the face for everyone that abuse media & social media for their own personal agenda.

4. Xenophobia

This is probably where we dive into most people deep dark fear, the unknown. People always afraid what they don’t know or understand, and it’s very human to do that. Not everyone can welcome changes that easily, or to adapt changes. This is where Trump wins. He “ensures” the status quo won’t change.

Honestly, this is also what happens with Brexit. British people think that immigrant or open boarder like E.U. is hurting their economy. Foreign people stealing their jobs, tax, etc. It’s better to shut themselves or put a barrier or wall to protect them from the danger or harm that “might be” just occurred in their mind. This is “us against them” train of thought at its core.

5. Power

This one is also interesting and also in conjunction with point number 4, about power or the upper hand. Voters are tired, fed up with feeling of powerlessness from the danger or harm that “might be” just occurred in their mind (immigrant, authority, tax, etc) and they think that Trump will turned the table into their favor.

Trump also, showing the tendency to bully others, being jerk or something, which some people somehow judge as aggressive, self confidence or powerful. To have that kind of figure on their side is probably makes them feel save.

The feeling of being powerful or gained the upper hand is always tempting. That’s why people say power tends to corrupt, that’s why it needs to be checked. But power is so tempting so most people just go with it. IMHO, that is what happens in Israel-Palestine conflict, the war for power, land and gaining authority with religion mixed in the bag so the conflict will be justifiable.

6. Economy

Obama’s reign doesn’t have any significant impact on US economy most people said, and so they decided to choose Trump, a non democrat party candidate. Also his xenophobic view ensures them that Trump will prefer domestic economy rather than spending money elsewhere.

Well, no matter how great you are for the rest of the world, it doesn’t matter if the people that are closest to you didn’t approved or enjoy the benefit. Like it or not, what’s in it for me is the most important question, even if the answer won’t be the answer that people expected to be. Take note everyone, please do good to people around you first, after that you can do whatever you want as long as the people closest to you is already provided he he.

7. Hypocrisy

Despite what everyone said about bully, it will never disappear or vanish. It’s natural to bully someone that is different, weaker or anything unlike you (different), or probably just the spitting image of everything you despise or wanted to be but you can’t. Even the act of bully could be viewed as a show force, to show dominance or something. Or just picture this, bully or jocks will always be the alpha male of some community right? At least being the center of attention.

One funny thing is, Trump came out of nowhere and suddenly won the election. Some people probably curious to see how far he will come and give him a chance, until they realize that the “monster” they create is too big to be stopped at the moment ha ha. Just like some people curious about Brexit, they freaked out when they realize the act of curiosity become reality ha ha.

Another act of hypocrisy is when the party or group that against Trump, that pointed that Trump is a bully, sexist, violent, etc, is becoming that bully, sexist, etc person themselves. They march on, strike, and even wreak havoc because they can’t accept the fact that Trump won in the system that they “believe” in. Ironic really, but also funny at the same time. Some states even threaten to leave U.S. and became independent state if Trump is officially crowned. They just can’t accept defeat or did this what happened if those “majority” (influential people) somehow become minority. They can’t accept if things went not the way they wanted.

8. The voice of people is the voice of God?

Last but not least, the most important question I always ask that nobody could give me a satisfaction answer: is the voice of people is the voice of God? I’ll be straight forward to say that I agree when Steve Jobs said that people don’t know what they want or needed unless you show them. Being majority doesn’t mean you’re right, it’s just like “just because you hurt too, doesn’t make you right” or the “greater good” is always the better option.

People are dumb sometimes, people tend to follow the flock / herd even if the mobs are wrong. Even people considered confidents as traits of righteous people. And that’s why the majority isn’t always right. Sometimes it’s the crazy people / the outsider that will change the world. Because they look at things in different point of view. Loves changes and like to try something new he he

 

Well, that’s what I learn from Trump’s victory and little bit of human deep dark secret. Most people will worry that Trump will make things go bad. But I like to see whether Trump will do all those atrocious, bombastic, crazy rhetorical campaign or he became pragmatic knowing that everything he do could effect everything ha ha. I mean, he isn’t the first of its kind. We have Hitler, Mussolini, Ahmadinejad or other “outstanding” leader of the nation & it’s alright with the world anyway.

Lesson from Karin Novilda

Recently, in Indonesia there’s a story about Karin Novilda, a girl that once a sweet smart girl that turned into “selebgram” (celebrity in instagram and YouTube or just search her account @awkarin) and her appearance is 180 degree different than her previous image.

Awklarin
Before and after. Crazy huh?

She was once the smartest girl, reach the highest grade in national exam, wear glasses & hijab in Riau (one of Indonesia’s province outside of Java Island). She swears to leave aside laptop, cell-phone, internet, etc to focus on her study. She went to Jakarta and then, she changed, a lot. She changed her appearance into sexy, blonde, “typical cool girl” we saw on TV or something. Became celebrity in instagram with many followers, endorser. Posting sexy picture, sometimes inappropriate public display of affection and said dirty word, etc. Sadly, she became “cool” in some way he he.

I’m not here to say she is wrong or something. Maybe this is what she wants or something. I’m here to take a lesson from her, this story could be us! Her story could be our story, this could happen to everyone. Abraham Lincoln once said “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power “ and that’s what happened here, she gain “power”, which in this case, popularity, maybe money (she was endorsed by some products) and fame.

People might say, she changed because Riau & Jakarta is way too different, small town & big city. Or may peer pressure to try something new or in order to be accepted in new environment. Or maybe because she was far from her parents control whatsoever. Or maybe her parents are too strict so that after she went to the city she abuses her so-called freedom. Or because she have a boyfriend (which is for some hijaber, girl who wearing hijab or veil, as indecent, they should’ve just married after getting know each other to prevent unwanted outcome). All of that I mentioned could be true, and that’s why my heartache so damn much about this.

As a parent, I worried that this could be happened to my son in the future. I once heard some stranger talks about inter-faith relationship in warteg (some local semi-permanent food stall in Indonesia). One guy asked whether he or his girlfriend should switching faith in order for their relationship to be legally binding (married). The other guy answers it with an answer so good that it stuck in my head for a long time. He said, “There are 3 things that you should never, ever, “sacrificed” for anything in this world; pride, family and the most important, religion or your God. If your love is against those 3 principle, I advice you to look somewhere else bro. If that’s love, it comes at much too high a cost”. I wholeheartedly approve it. I wrote many times in my blog that people shouldn’t change who they are, their identity, but rather adapt and applied their new insight to their own identity, value or religion.

I also have a friend who can be categorized as “Karin” back in college. She was a goody daughter, devoted Moslem and smart girl. Then when I was in Bandung (I go to college in Bandung), I met her in a club, dressing “too open” for a Moslem, smokes & drinks alcohol, etc. I was once asked her what happen to the good old her & she said that she waits a lifetime to get away, to be far from her parents clutches so she can be “free”. She tired to be good, to be what her parents asked her to be (rather than what she wanted to be), etc. I guess she abuse the so called freedom. The last time I met her, she said karma hits her in the face when she married and have kids. She realized why her parents is too strict and all that jazz he he.

IMHO, Karin changed because she doesn’t have enough “foundation” of who she really is. That’s why she changed so much. She probably just “following the flow”, try to catching up with newest trend, enjoying become “cool kids” or thinking that rebelling against parents is cool, or maybe being sexy is becoming adult or something.

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Maybe true that we as parents have shares of our fault, but that doesn’t mean you’re a good kid from the start you li’l b*tch

I was lucky to find what I really love from early age, though what interests me is something that were once considered geek, weird or even stupid (I love video game, manga, comic, anime & toys). My antisocial behavior also helps me to don’t give a damn of what people say or think about me. I was lucky not to have those “phase” that embarrassed me when I look at my early days. Maybe my life is boring & dull for some, but I really glad that I live my life the way I wanted to, though there are some “compromise” like entering law school rather than literature or psychology but somehow the kid in me still intact, I’m a kid trapped in adult body ha ha.

I’m afraid that my son could be like Karin. Drifted apart from the values, moral code or religion that I will taught to him. True maybe someday in the future he will change, but I hope he will still remember or keeping his “identity”, his religion and the values that I taught. Hope even if he changed, he will adapt rather than completely throw away his so-called identity.

I hope I could be the dad that he can share his problem, be the person he looked up to, be his hero or at the very least, the person he can always depends on if he facing adversity, or even when he gain power. I hope that this Karin lesson will always be a reminder of how I should react or what I should taught to my son in the future.

Either You’ll Get Used To It or…

I already wrote many pieces about changes in this blog. How hard it is to accept it or live with it. But then again, everything’s changes, even if we refuse to accept it and stick to the old ways, somehow something changes, even within us either we realize it or not. Everything changing though we probably felt the opposite of it.

Recently instagram change their iconic app into something new, suffice to say not everyone is happy with it. Me personally, I prefer the old icon app because it’s classic, like a vintage camera and somehow more stand out than the new one. But honestly the old icon is only suits the “old” instagram, when it was started on iPhone as an app to showcasing your square format photo with artsy image. Now instagram is becoming more than just a photo sharing app, it also shows video, and the artsy photo is majority replaced with selfie, narcisstic photo or even as market place (to display the item), that’s why I guess the new icon is more suitable IMHO he he.

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Kinda cheesy that new icon ha ha

One thing I salute is their guts to replace the iconic icon with something that totally new, not some modification or something, a new icon. Just like anything in life, not everyone will be happy for it. You can call it comfort zone or something, but not everyone is embracing changes with arms wide open. Not because we hate it (OK, some people hate it), but because its’ something new, something that we don’t know, and it’s natural to afraid of something we didn’t know.

I admit that I’m the guy who doesn’t accept changes easily, not because I’m afraid of it, but rather than I hate the extra money I’ll spend to catch up with the latest trend. That’s why I prefer console rather than PC. With console, I can play with the same hardware for more than 5 years, I even still play PS1 till this day. But you’ll know that everyone say the future of gaming is streaming, not console. All you need is a monitor and computer probably to play game. No system exclusive probably, everyone can play.

I always hates the idea of internet gaming. It demands time (always online), extra money (from streaming quota and advertising from the online) and the bloody DLC (download content). Since the birth of online gaming, game developer just becoming lazy & take everything for granted. They release half @$$ game for a full price. If there’s a bug or problem? They can give patch version, or worse, we have to pay more for DLC (such as extra character in Street Fighter V). Offline campaign or story mode is being traded for online competition or multiplayer. I realize there are people who play game for glory, but don’t forget there also playing for the story.

Or the recent issue where apple is thinking to stop itunes program because they think the future is in streaming music. Guess people nowadays just don’t love physical copy anymore, they think downloaded music is easier (true) and sometimes free (especially illegal downloading ^_^. Why pay if you can have it for free). Personally I prefer physical copy because it’s more authentic, like holding something in your hand, read the lyric, enjoy the artwork, or to make it blunt, it’s like boobs, it’s good to see it on the screen but it’s better to hold it for real ^_^.

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I’m a bit of apple fanboy, but probably not the so called isheep. I use iphone from iphone 4 and macbook from 2008. I admire Steve Jobs vision & persistent. I’m the minority that prefers small phone rather than bigger screen (I prefer using tablet or something bigger rather than phone that hard to be held by one hand). And apple is one of those people (if we can classify apple as people) that forced its user or customer to adapt with the changes they deemed was needed. There was a popular story about how Steve Jobs reacts to Blackberry CEO when he showed his iphone prototype and Blackberry CEO said where’s the keyboard? People won’t use that! And Steve reply with a sentence that synonym with apple as innovator (though since Steve died, apple kinda loss its mojo. Still good but not as good as it used to) “They’ll get used to it”. Yeah we can say apple was, or is, agent of changes.

Not everything is new is better. 2015 shows that people prefer books rather than e-books. Lomography still alive at the moment, vinyl still have a place and becoming audiophile now. So I guess if you’re happy with the way thing are, just do what makes you happy. What if people don’t support or make fun of you? That’s life! You’re the one who live with it and making the most of it, people that judge it. Screw them! Do what makes you happy anyway, either you change or stay the way you are, as long as you maintain your identity. All I can say is, either you’ll get used to it…or stay where you are and see if the cycle of trend came full circle to what you love or people realize that the old way is probably better ha ha.

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But then again, we can’t stop the changes. Either we’re part of it or stay where we are and become history, or forgotten in the sand of time. But if I realize one thing in my 30 something life, is that what matter most is our self, not what everyone else thinks about you. So if you’re comfortable with using the old ways, why bother to change? Maybe you can stick with the old ways and when the changes went the wrong direction, they came back for the old ways. Or you could modified or adapt the old ways to new technology without loosing your identity or ideology. Learn from Tetris, if you try to fit in, you have a tendency to disappear. Be sure not to lose your identity while try to fit in he he, or just be different and standout anyway ^_^